If Star Signs Were Cars, What Would They Be?

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The signs of the Zodiac may be disregarded as mere pseudoscience that have no scientific validity whatsoever. However, we’d argue that astrology is scarily accurate when it comes to anthropomorphising cars.

Don’t believe us? Then check out our full list of cars that, in our opinion, share a lot of the characteristics of the star sign we’ve aligned them with.

 

Aries (March 21 – April 19) – Tesla Model 3

 
Aries
 

Aries is the first sign of the zodiac, so, naturally, the car with this star sign is a winner, and loves to be number one.

The Tesla Model 3 is the perfect example of a car that takes no prisoners when it comes to being the best in the business. It was not only voted UK Car of the Year 2020, but continues to be recognised as one of the best electric cars in the world.

There are a number of reasons for this too. For starters, there isn’t an EV in this class that can match the Long Range version’s electric range of 360 miles. Then there’s the fact that it can accelerate with rapid precision (0-60mph in just 3.1 seconds in the Performance model).

 

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Taurus (April 20 – May 20) – Citroen C3

 
Taurus
 

For those of you who aren’t so clued up on your star signs, the Taurus is the cool, calm and collected one of the bunch. They also enjoy nothing more than relaxation and tranquility.

In a similar fashion, the Citroen C3 has one of the comfiest rides in the supermini class. Other cars competing with the C3 opt for a sportier setup, but this model makes comfort and space a priority.

You’ll find it incredibly easy to relax in the company of the Citroen C3 too, especially when you choose the well-equipped Shine Plus spec. Over the basic models, you’ll get part-leatherette seat trim and extra driver convenience features that make life behind the wheel even more easier, such as a reversing camera and autonomous emergency braking.

 

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Gemini (May 21 – June 20) – Cupra Leon

 
Small-1544-CUPRA Leon (star signs)
 

Ah, the Gemini. So busy and regularly spinning plates that they wish that there was a clone version of themselves that could take on 50% of the work.

Is there a more apt description that captures the Cupra Leon? It’s the sportier version of the much-celebrated Seat Leon, which itself is a great car to drive as far as a supermini is concerned.

Cupra may be its own brand now, after becoming a standalone manufacturer that produces its own performance models. But even when siblings fly the nest and go their own way, they’re still bound by blood!

 

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Cancer (June 21 – July 22) – Lexus ES

 
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“Driven by intuition” is the Lexus slogan, and people born between the dates that fall under the Cancer star sign (June 21-July 22) are considered the most intuitive of them all.

A cop out, you say? Well, hear us out first, because there is mileage in what Lexus’ marketing team proclaim, especially when you consider the exemplary Lexus ES.

Everything about the ES’s makeup is upheld by innovation and advanced technological features which, like those under the Cancer star sign, makes it pretty psychic. Take its Lexus Safety System+ which supports with driver awareness on the road with autonomous features.

 

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Leo (July 23 – August 22) – Range Rover

 
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Clear the floor, the Range Rover has arrived! Like a true Leo, the Range Rover is a proud car that has the spirit of a lion, commanding attention and being one of the best in the business.

There isn’t another off-roader like it that can exist both in luxury and the rugged mountains without breaking a sweat.

Sure, the Range Rover might know it’s the best, but that’s besides the point. What matters is that it’s up there in the first place.

 

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Virgo (August 23 – September 22) – Ford Fiesta

 
FordFiesta2017_Dingo_008
 

Logical, practical and methodical in its approach. Yes, we’re talking about a Ford Fiesta…and Virgos!

The Fiesta is a perfectionist, getting the job done properly every time, with the utmost reliability. Is there any wonder why us Brits consistently choose it as our go-to hatchback?

Whether you’re a first-time driver needing something reliable and affordable, or looking for a spacious family car that’s economical yet practical, the Ford Fiesta – in true Virgo fashion – has got you covered.

 

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Libra (September 23 – October 22) – BMW X1

 
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The only star sign that is represented by an inanimate object, the Libra takes care to do things differently to the rest. It strives for harmony and balance in all aspects of life, hence why the scale depicts it best.

“Why choose the BMW X1?”, I hear you ask. Well, because it’s one of few cars that strikes the perfect balance between performance and fuel economy. It’s surprisingly quick (even the entry-level model can do 0-60mph in 9.7 seconds), while at the same time returning an average of 46mpg.

Throw in the car’s practical body and you’ve got yourself a great all-round car!

 

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) – Cupra Born

 
Cupra Born (Scorpio)
 

When it comes to the star signs, Scorpio is perhaps one of the most misunderstood. They’re surrounded by an air of mystery and, if you get close enough to solve the mystery, well, it could be life-changing – for better, or for worse.

That’s the type of feeling we get from the upcoming Cupra Born.

Think about it. An electric car developed by a performance-focused brand. How will that work? Will it be as fun to drive? Will the range be sufficient enough if most of the power is going towards its driving capabilities? We need to know! And all shall be revealed, with the car going on sale early this year.

 

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Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) – Toyota Corolla

 
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Is there anywhere a Sagittarius hasn’t travelled to? It’s a similar story with the Toyota Corolla, which knows no boundaries! That’s why it’s still the best-selling card in the world, which is in keeping with the manufacturer’s dominance in general. The Japanese automaker has long had the best-selling vehicle in 41 countries out of 104 tallied.

The Sagittarius is the last fire sign of the Zodiac. Will the Toyota Corolla be the last model to have such widespread popularity?

 

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Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) – Ford Puma

 
Ford Puma
 

Out of all the star signs, Capricorn knows the most about having patience when it comes to reaching the top.

What better car to fit the bill than the Ford Puma? Once a late-90s coupe that was equally as successful as its successor at the time. No other Puma made an appearance for all those years, but little did we know that Ford was working on an small, sporty SUV version that would go on to be a multi-award winning car two years on the bounce?

It’s a truly outstanding car, too. With nippy acceleration, modern, attractive styling, and brilliant handling, there’s not much to fault the Puma on. For a small SUV, it’s pretty practical too.

 

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Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) – Skoda Kodiaq

 
08_new_skoda_kodiaq
 

The humanitarian one of the bunch.

Aquarius can confuse many people because it’s the last air sign of the Zodiac. But what isn’t confusing is how befitting the Skoda Kodiaq is of this sign.

Just like the characteristics of an Aquarius, the Kodiaq is dedicated to making the world a better place, and here’s how.

There isn’t a brand out there like Skoda, which provides a free umbrella and ice scraper with all of its brand-new cars.

We can often be sentimental beings, so these little token gestures can be enough to make someone’s day. And, in turn, that person is all the more likely going to make a positive impact in the world.

 

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Pisces (February 19 – March 20) – Smart ForFour

 
Large-3479-smartatthe2019InternationalMotorShowinFrankfurt
 

The last sign in the list: Pisces.

A Pisces is like the youngest sibling that watches the older sibling make all the mistakes, and then learns from them. As a result, the younger sibling becomes…Smart.

It may sound tongue-in-cheek then that we’ve chosen the Smart ForFour as the Pisces of the group then. However, it’s not just in the name that there’s a resemblance between the car and this star sign. This car also has absorbed a lot of the lessons of the other city cars in its class and has turned to an all-electric drivetrain for the new range, known as ‘EQ’.

 

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Want to keep up to date with the latest car news, reviews and entertainment? Head over to the Moneyshake blog.